Taking Advantage of My Youth

My writing feels so dull recently. I believe in what I write and I like to keep it vulnerable, but if I am going to get really vulnerable, I am bored. I am so tired of not taking advantage of my youth. I am so young and I am spending my Friday nights in? I sound so lame and I am tired of being lame. I want to talk about sober culture and how I think it might be building a more unhealthy relationship with substances than we believe. I want to talk about how going on dates is helpful and I think I need to be less boring.

I came across a video the other day. It was talking about how our bodies are meant for war at this age. Whether that was a bit of an overexaggeration or not, we will never know. I personally do not think I am suited for war in the slightest and also choose world peace, but he brought up some good points. I mean, I believe we should be treating our bodies with love and care. Daily affirmations are important to me. Exercising your body and your creative mind are all important things. I just think there’s a difference between loving your body and refusing to test it. There is a happy medium between being mindful and being afraid. If you “protect your peace” so much, what challenges will you ever face? How will you grow? You have to get overwhelmed, be overstimulated, and a little out of control sometimes to change. I believe inevitably it will be for the better.

Sober culture? Performance at its peak. Okay, you're thirty and have a drinking problem, that's not what we're talking about. Actually, you're too old to be reading this anyways. Bye. If you're in your twenties like me, you might have noticed how everyone is obsessed with measuring their "clarity," posting mocktails in a glass like it's some sort of badge of honor. I get it. I think it's important to be aware. But I also think it's important to get messy. You have to test your limits, say something you regret, and laugh too loud. Let me be honest here. If this is how you're living, you're not at all. You're just hiding.

I lost my train of thought there, but being sober is not a badge of honor. At least not at our age. It's a practice. We are supposed to be testing what we can and can't handle, noticing what makes us feel alive or not. If we skip this step of experimenting, we will eventually fail because we are using this restrictive mindset that feels like a diet. It pushes guilt, embarrassment, and regret. You aren't teaching yourself how to make decisions in real life. You aren't dealing with discomfort. Being young is the only time we can practice without permanent consequences. We are able to explore our messiness. If we don't start exploring that, we'll never understand balance. Sober culture is about understanding yourself, not proving yourself. So if you decide to partake in either or, just try and understand your intentions behind it all. If you're avoiding alcohol, you're just building rules, not knowledge. And at this age, we are supposed to be learning as much as possible.

And sorry, but I think dating in your twenties is the same. Dating apps get so much hate, and I understand why. They’re also a playground. It's kind of fun. It's a chance for you to test the waters. There are no obligations, and we need to learn to do things without feeling obligated. If we're going to grow, we have to put ourselves out there. Message cute boys and girls, go on dates with mediocre bachelors. It's all practice. All of it is about learning who we are and what we want. We are meant to risk embarrassment in the hopes of understanding something we didn't before.

I want to make you feel better about this all. I have been embarrassingly drunk on a few different occasions. One of them included me trying to join a dance circle and missing the beat drop. Another involved me forgetting my entire night on a balcony with my uncle and cousin. I was told I was sweet and just gave a lot of hugs, but I can't say any of that is accurate. When I was crossing the Canadian border, my ex told the officer, "Nope, there's no substances. It's all gone." I might have quoted him wrong, but it ended with our built-out van being searched and me being wine drunk and anxious. I have had my moments, but I also know what I can and can't say to a Canadian officer now, so who's the real winner here?

Stop protecting your peace to a point that you're boring. Go out, get messy, and laugh about it all later. Or have some hangxiety. Some of you might need it. Say yes to a date or give a guy your number. Try things that might scare you and pay attention to how it makes you feel and what you learn. This is the time to explore our limits, our desires. Being young isn't about being perfect and figuring it all out. It's about being awkward and embarrassing.

Living life with the intention of winning badges shouldn't add to your superiority complex. It's also not just about dating or drinking, but taking chances. Speaking up when you're scared, creating something with the possibility of failure, traveling without plans. These are the moments that teach us who we really are and who we can be. The safe Fridays in, the perfect Instagram aesthetic, the mocktails, that can wait until I'm thirty. That age bores me.

Being young is a privilege. It's the only time we can afford to be messy without permanent consequences, so I'm taking advantage of that. I'm not hiding behind virtue or sobriety or fear of embarrassment. I'm ignoring the "right way to do it" because I don't believe that would be the best way to show up for myself right now. We should be curious, reckless, and honest. That's how you grow and live. This is how we look back and say yes, I really did try.

And, happy birthday to my grandpa. The person I send every article to first.