Sisters

I have been lucky enough to grow up with a sister who is five years older than me. This meant she was able to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing from a position slightly ahead of wherever I was. Not that our lives have been anything close to similar, but there has been some overlap. Having a sister five years older than you means you watch a lot before you can comprehend it. Breghan has given me so much advice, some that contradicts itself, but I don't bring it to her attention when it does. Anything coming from my sister is straightforward, some would say blunt. But sometimes she didn't have to say anything and I would just watch the way she approached different situations and how it ended for her, good or bad. I don't often admit the way I look up to her, but she has heavily influenced a lot in my life. As most siblings do. She is the blueprint. You just don't admit that until it's sent through a text and you are living across the country from each other.

My big sister and I didn't grow up close. With an age gap, it's hard. I do remember her singing to me on the trampoline before she left to see her friends and French braiding my hair. Those memories are stronger than the ones that involve my eyebrows getting plucked. When I was fourteen though, we would drive around with the windows down, blasting the heat and music in Alaska winter temperatures. At some point, we picked up our younger brother from an outdoor skate and he immediately lost it. Samuel doesn't yell, but he gets so visibly annoyed, it annoys you. It's the result of having two older sisters, pettiness. But he lost it. Complaining about the freezing wind, which led to him calling our mom in the backseat, somehow getting Breghan and I in trouble. Kind of. We just got told to roll the windows up because the baby (Samuel) was cold. We spent the rest of the drive home making fun of him.

I don't think sisters have this intentional bonding time like some of us have been forced to have with our parents. We'll make plans. We designate nights to facemasks, and wine, and a show I wasn't allowed to watch with her. Not because my mom cared, but because she wouldn't let me. Sisters. There's been a tremendous amount of growth between the both of us, and that's expected.

Beyond us dancing every time we're together, a big sister provides a form of emotional support you don't find in anyone or anywhere else. It's persistent and frustrating at times. We've learned to tolerate each other's quirks and to argue, then forgive. Your sister shows up when you're having a bad birthday and want to cry. She also shows up when you want to celebrate and will be fully present for you. My sister is there for the small moments and the most serious ones. She is the most unpredictable, consistent person I have in my life. But she's an Aries moon or something, so lines up.

I often joke that I have no idea what I'm doing, which isn't entirely false. With Breghan though, it's impossible to keep that act up. She's always been tough and she's never needed to point that out. It's how she handles frustration and people. Situations where I would freak out, or have freaked out, Breghan doesn't pause for a moment. That kind of presence shapes how you approach challenges and teaches you that uncertainty isn't a good excuse to not move forward. There has been so much that Breghan has done that nobody has applauded or thanked her for. And she'll never do something to recieve either.

Being around her has made it clear that some things only I can do for myself. She'll have my back and pick up my calls, but she can't make the choices for me. Seeing how she operates and knowing where a big sister's responsibility ends and mine begins is the most practical thing I've learned from having a sister. I understand it's not exciting, and I want to talk about how I admire her, but I don't want to sound corny. Or give her a bigger ego.

Even now, being apart makes me realize that everything I remember was never random. It was all framework, the blueprint for understanding how to navigate life, despite how different our lives may be. I still watch videos of our sloppy dancing and laugh at photos of her when she looked like Zack and Cody. But I am so grateful to have such a wonderful sister. Happy twenty-fifth!