Audacity and the Horse

I am tired of overthinking everything. Waiting to see who else is interested in following through on the plans before I admit I'm way too available, playing out what I'm going to say fifty times before I say it. I've started to notice that hesitation has more to do with image management than it does with logistics. There's this fear that I think lingers within a lot of us 20-something-year-olds. We don't want to look like we're trying too hard. None of us can care more than the person standing next to us. I think it stems from our ego, which is heavily influenced by the media. When making everyday decisions includes thinking about what that one peer thinks of it, I turn to the word audacious.

Going into the Year of the Horse, becoming audacious was the first thing that came to mind. And if you are offline like I long to be, the Year of the Horse is associated with ambition, passion, and energy. The horse moves on its own. It doesn't wait for a consensus, which is what I have been hung up on recently. The horse has self-direction.

This is the year we aren't meant to be focusing on self-optimization or self-presentation. There are aspects of my life that the horse already lives in, and then there are others where the horse is entirely absent. In the spaces it is lacking, I often feel like I need approval first. I need to see another individual equally invested. It's a way to protect one's ego.

It does dictate more than I would like to admit. It's never been about these cinematic life decisions though. I've always protected my ego in more intimate spaces, what an oxymoron. You can find it in the way I text, waiting to reply so I don't seem too eager, mixing a face full of makeup with a dull outfit to make it seem lived in, my enthusiasm is accidental, and my interest is always casual. Everywhere that has an expected soft default, you will find nearly the opposite.

You can find this in almost everyone once you notice it in yourself. In the careful curation of an Instagram post that pretends spontaneity, judging the over-invested, plans made with too many maybes. Ambition has been filtered too. Drive can often be judged and interchanged with desperation. Regardless of your intentions. Every small decision has become a test of how much should you care, and how much can you be without messing with your presentation?

Audacity feels radical. The horse moves because it knows its own path, it isn't waiting for validation. The horse moves unmediated and unapologetic. It isn't acting while considering the way it is perceived. There is this simplicity in the way it exists in alignment with intention. Audacity is a choice to invest fully in what matters with the same lack of consideration. It takes courage to move audaciously, with no approval.

Our obsession with perception has shaped the way we measure success, conversation, and intimacy. The presence of comparison makes validation mean more than it should. Energy is rationed because we have been taught that overinvestment is dangerous and performative. Even in spaces where boldness can be appreciated, it is diluted into a muted version of itself. The culture has trained us to see hesitation as protection and intelligence, when it is just there to conceal fear.

To move audaciously is to invest fully in your attention and choices, even when things are being carefully calculated around you. Embracing the Year of the Horse is recognizing that inertia is fighting clarity. That waiting for agreement from your peers is just a slow form of compliance. I have no interest in fearing overinvestment, of holding back what I feel and what I desire. There are bound to be mistakes made, and you'll likely see them. But all movement matters. Choosing action over hesitation is better than staying the same in these fundamental years of my life.

There are moments when audacity isn't just a personal choice, but a political act. To invest in what matters, without your fear of being perceived. Right now, we live in a climate where silence and inaction is not a reflection of your neutral stance. Your decision to speak up, commit, and act even when no one is applauding is just as important. We live in a world where power shifts behind closed doors and decisions are made for millions out of view. Choosing to insist on truth and make your voice heard is small, but necessarily rebellious against a system that would like us to stay passive.