Charisma

In a time when much of the internet is focusing on their authenticity, you should focus on your charisma. To be authentic is to be comfortable with your values and emotions, having the privilege of expressing them without shame or pretense. To have charisma is to possess this magnetic personality that draws others to you, but not just on the surface level. It is the ability to connect.

You can blame the pandemic and lack of human interaction during those years, maybe. Or maybe you can blame social media and our distorted perception of reality. Charisma is to make others feel. It is a relationship between your presence, influence, confidence, and yourself. Authenticity is just one of the foundations of charisma.

Authenticity has been in all of our faces the last six months. Influencers talking about how that’s what people want to watch and follow, or how it can improve your quality of life. Neither are entirely false. As consumers, we watch people do what might not come easy to us or others. Being vulnerable and authentic is one of those things. And if you were completely confident in yourself and your beliefs, it might improve your quality of life in some ways, but I still wonder why confidence matters if you lack connection.

I believe we’re all born to connect with our peers. I can’t recall all the early years of grade school, but I remember having friends, feeling welcomed, and sometimes the opposite. We were curious when the teacher paused the story and didn’t say what happened next. There was excitement. There were feelings provoked by classmates and our conversations. Like I said, I believe we were born to connect with others. It’s human nature. But if it’s something that once came so naturally to us, why has it gotten more difficult? It should be getting easier, right?

I don’t want to sound like your mom, but it’s that damn phone. There’s been a decline in interpersonal communication skills because of them, and unfortunately, a loss of self-confidence because of the things we are constantly seeing on said phone. It’s gotten to a point where instead of focusing on our true character, our empathy for others, and the morals we were supposed to build based on life experiences, we prefer instant gratification from others. It’s easier to gain the stamp of approval rather than develop a presence.

Surrounding yourself with people that lack charisma, or lacking it yourself, can feel unfulfilling. There’s a lack of passion.

This isn’t a how-to, but if you want to read it as one… don’t quote me. There are several different ways one can “get their charisma back.” But some things I find important and have been working on implementing in my own life are being present and rebuilding confidence through connection, not validation. When I think about things that happen leading up to someone making me feel something deeply, I realize I’m in the moment. I’m curious and ready to listen with no set expectations. I’m not waiting to hear one thing, but I’m ready to hear everything, which is intertwined with gaining your confidence through connections. Many of us, or at least me, feel confident through reassurance and compliments. Connection is different though, it’s mutual and has energy. You aren’t thinking about the way you’re being perceived, you are present.

I often think people confuse charisma with being the loudest one in the room, which is why it might be an uneasy topic to discuss, but it’s not. Charisma is how you make others feel in your presence, giving them a space to open up and be themselves, truly authentic.